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Does Getting Good Advice Really Work?

As a health and life coach,   You’ve heard the sayings:

There’s no shortcut to losing weight. Eat light & healthy. Exercise frequently. Get good sleep. Burn more calories than you consume. Balance work and play. Manage your stress levels.

I could go on. And there’s good advice everywhere.  We get advice from our family, friends, our doctor. We read health tips from magazines, and from the Self Help section of the bookstore. We are subscribed to emails and blogs (like this super awesome blog post you’re reading now! ). We even see all kinds of inspirational quotes, funny memes, and good tips on all the social media sites: Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, YouTube, and the like.

But let’s get honest here: what is all that good advice really doing for us? If we really do take heed and make changes, does it last for very long?

I’m gonna guess that’s also a big fat NO. Well, it’s not because you’re not one smart cookie. It’s because real change doesn’t happen at the conscious level, because conscious thoughts are not what drive us to take positive action for REAL change in our lives. No, that’s not the way it works, my sweet Goddess.

I’m about to share something with you that I paid thousands of dollars in high-level coaching programs to learn:

There is a 1:1 relationship between our core beliefs and our actions.

For example, let’s say you really want to stop smoking, but every day around 2pm like clockwork, you find yourself standing outside your workplace, lighting up a new one.  Maybe you’ve tried all kinds of herbs, potions, and patches, but nothing seems to stick. Inevitably, despite your best efforts, you are drawn to cigarettes like moths to a flame.  You’ve tried meditating, distracting yourself with trying new habits, but nothing works.

OR, maybe you’re addicted to donuts. Pizza (Cheese is actually more addictive than sugar. Go figure. ) Or maybe you hate to work out, even though you know you need to lose weight.

Well, regardless of what your addiction is, or what health goal you struggle with, you’re probably thinking it’s self-sabotage. Not necessarily. See, there’s actually NO SUCH THING as self-sabotage. From a holistic health perspective, we all love ourselves unconditionally, on a subconscious level.  And we serve ourselves by acting out 100% based on our core beliefs.

So, whatever it is that you experience in life is consistent with your core beliefs. And what is a belief? A belief is a thought you hold consistently. So how long does it take before a consistent thought becomes a belief? Well, my friend, it really depends on the person, and the space we create to allow shifts to happen. As a point of reference, it takes roughly 28 days to make or break a habit. Let’s start there and jump backwards, start at a base level; our thoughts. (I could go deeper than that, and get into your DNA, pre-birth events, alchemy, sacred soul contracts and such, but for now, we’ll just start with our thoughts.)

  • Over 90% of our thoughts are negative.
  • Thoughts form into beliefs.
  • Beliefs 100% drive our actions. Most beliefs we hold are firmly rooted by the time we’re 6 years old. We spend most of our life acting out on those beliefs.
  • Actions held consistently over 28 days either break old habits or form new habits.
  • Habits held over 3-6 months yield lasting, life transformation. And that’s the gold: blissful life transformation!

Some beliefs can change instantly. Some beliefs are so deeply rooted, from traumatic experiences, from personal struggles, societal messages, from family, from school, etc. What you experienced as a young child doesn’t just get locked away. Those early formative years, you were a sponge, making every little and big moment mean something about you, and how you relate to your world.

Well, what does that mean to you today? It means real change happens when you decide to change what you believe. It’s that simple. But…it’s not always simple to change, at least not on your own.  Sometimes you need help. The best help doesn’t always come in good advice from a book or magazine, or even from a friend or loved one.  You can even try telling yourself to believe something, but that doesn’t make you believe it. And that’s where coaching comes in.

THIS IS WHY I BECAME

A TRANSFORMATIONAL LIFE COACH

Because over the past 12 years, forasmuch as I was helping clients make real change in their lives, I wanted it to STICK.  If I work with a client and they come back to me with the same problem, I knew their fundamental beliefs hadn’t changed. And I needed the tools to help my clients bridge the gap between knowing and doing…long-term.  And now I have those tools, using Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) and other belief-changing coaching tools via Transformational Coaching. That’s where the REAL work is done. That’s where we must focus our attention.

Now, back to the cigarettes. I know for sure there’s that whole addiction thing. That’s real. But biochemistry aside, there’s another level going on here: a belief that in order to stop smoking, I must give up XYZ. And what is XYZ? Well, it depends on the person. That could be the friends or coworkers who also take smoke breaks – what will they think? What will they say? Will they still accept me as a peer? Will I still fit in? Questions like these represent Life Ecology, or what we think we have to trade in order to have what we want.

The power of ecology is strong, and a bigger motivator than most realize. And unless you are able to really dig deep and find out what hidden beliefs lurk in the subconscious of your mind, you will continue to blame your lack of progress or change on self-sabotage. And the blame game will serve you well in terms of making you feel bad. But blame and guilt will never help you make change. And the sad thing is, most people carry blame and guilt as if there is valor in suffering. But at the end of the day, it’s just a waste of time and energy.

One more thing…when it comes to getting advice, especially unsolicited advice (isn’t that always fun?) from family, friends and colleagues:

Most People Listen to Respond,

Not To Understand.

I am always able to openly receive messages when I feel heard and truly listened to. I seek advice for things like how to resolve technical issues or Do-It-Yourself home care. But when it comes to making personal growth and shifts, I seek affirmation that I have the tools to figure it out.  I trust my own internal wisdom will reveal itself in the process. The best support is not telling someone what to do, but rather inspiring them with confidence to figure it out themselves – assume they already know the answer. This is how I approach my work, I assume the client knows the answer, it’s my job to ask the right questions and use coaching techniques to support them in releasing false non-serving beliefs, and create space for developing new beliefs that support their deepest desires.
Okay, in the spirit of the upcoming holidays, let’s wrap this up and put a big bow on top, shall we? Here’s what I’ll leave you with:
Invention is the Mother of Necessity. And pain is the best motivator. But unless your Core Beliefs and Life Ecology (what you give up to change) supports change, it won’t happen.
-Venus Aviv
How to change:
  1. Instead of seeking advice, get quiet and learn to trust your intuition  – Meditating is a great way to do this.
  2. Stop focusing on what you DON’T want (by complaining), instead, focus on the end goal/what you DO want.  Speak it. Write about it. Visualize it. FEEL it. The metaphysical law of attraction holds that you get put your energy and focus on. Focus on your problems, and you’ll naturally attract more of the same. Focus on how you want to feel, and you’ll attract more of that.
  3. Release the guilt and blame. Self-sabotage isn’t real, and feeling bad is a waste of time and energy.
  4. Pay attention to your actions, they hint at your real Core Beliefs.
  5. Be honest with yourself about your Life Ecology – what are you REALLY willing to give up to change?
  6. And (of course, you knew this was coming) talk with a Transformational Life Coach to work on releasing old false beliefs that no longer serve you, so you can create space for creating new positive affirming beliefs. Then, your actions will align with your Core Beliefs, and you will start to experience real, lasting change to reach your health & life goals. Viola!

I’d love to hear from you! Where are you stuck in life? Do you have a story of how getting good advice has NOT worked for you?

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